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This evening I tried to explain to my husband that I feel like I’m losing my identity.  I explained–or so I thought–that I felt minimized at work and have felt like I have been shrinking for the past few years.  His first response was to ask me if he was doing something wrong.  “Why is this about you?” was my response.

It probably doesn’t help that I work for him.

I also have a full time job working for a local writer.  And that’s the job that leaves me feeling like less than a person.  I spend my days editing his words, posting his blogs, updating his social media.  He even has me do his match.com searches!  I feel as though I’ve lost my voice.

I went on to explain to my husband that I probably reached my self-satisfaction high a few years back, when I was newly-single (on my own terms, and amicably parted), had just purchased my very own home, and my career as an attorney was cruising along.  In retrospect, this self-evaluation probably didn’t make my husband feel very good.  My life now is really good:   we’re newlywed, live in the same tiny cottage (with its accompanying tiny mortgage), I no longer live in six minute law-related increments, and we have a happy social life.

But for some reason, I no longer have a strong sense of self.  I’ve pulled back on my community involvement and left my legal career because of health-related issues.  My job no longer defines me.  I’m no longer the president of the non-profit animal rescue organization I co-organized.  I haven’t published an article in years (have had a few published in regional magazines).  I guess I just feel lost.

His advice was to write a blog.  So, here I am.   Now that I have hosted my pity-party (thank you for coming!), I’m going to figure out a way to vent without being boring or whiny.  I have horrible spelling but pretty good grammar and though I am generally cheerfully clad (in Lilly Pulitzer, no less), I have the soul of a goth-girl.  So, this should be interesting!

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