It probably doesn’t help that I work for him.
I also have a full time job working for a local writer. And that’s the job that leaves me feeling like less than a person. I spend my days editing his words, posting his blogs, updating his social media. He even has me do his match.com searches! I feel as though I’ve lost my voice.
I went on to explain to my husband that I probably reached my self-satisfaction high a few years back, when I was newly-single (on my own terms, and amicably parted), had just purchased my very own home, and my career as an attorney was cruising along. In retrospect, this self-evaluation probably didn’t make my husband feel very good. My life now is really good: we’re newlywed, live in the same tiny cottage (with its accompanying tiny mortgage), I no longer live in six minute law-related increments, and we have a happy social life.
But for some reason, I no longer have a strong sense of self. I’ve pulled back on my community involvement and left my legal career because of health-related issues. My job no longer defines me. I’m no longer the president of the non-profit animal rescue organization I co-organized. I haven’t published an article in years (have had a few published in regional magazines). I guess I just feel lost.
His advice was to write a blog. So, here I am. Now that I have hosted my pity-party (thank you for coming!), I’m going to figure out a way to vent without being boring or whiny. I have horrible spelling but pretty good grammar and though I am generally cheerfully clad (in Lilly Pulitzer, no less), I have the soul of a goth-girl. So, this should be interesting!